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1 day ago.
by Dirtman
Jester01
#1

The Open Mic Comedy Club

Share your humor with your favorite jokes 24/7!!! ***Disclaimer*** Remember to keep it tasteful and give credit to whom it is due. Otherwise, the offended party will most likely delete this or things just could get ugly.

 
 

Member Comments

Dirtman

Maybe Ebama teleprompter doode.

Posted 1 day ago.

Dirtman

NEW YORK — David Letterman's longtime cue-card holder says he wound up cuing his own firing by getting aggressive with a colleague.

I'm sorry to hear about this (not really), but it is good news for anyone who believes their life's work has been insignificant. Any Czar openings?

Posted 1 day ago.

anuttiermutter

"Professor John Long and his team at Flinders University in Adelaide figured out how ancient fish had intercourse. Males had an “L-shaped sexual organ,” said Long, while females had “genital plates, which are like cheese graters – very rough." Sounds like they were viewing me & my ex-wife on our honeymoon videos.

Posted 2 days ago.

Dirtman

SINGAPORE - World number one Serena Williams slammed Shamil Tarpishchev for using "extremely sexist, racist and bullying" comments after the Russian Tennis Federation (RTF) president described her and sister Venus as the "Williams brothers".

Oh no he didn't. President Ebama announced today military action against Russia called Operation Shuck and Jive and further clarified that the ISIL campaign is Operation Shucks and Naw.

Posted 2 days ago.

Dirtman

Kill them before they are shot in the street or get some kind of disease or are abused by their parents. Gosnell would be perfect. Do them a perrrrsonal faaaaavor.

Posted 3 days ago.

Dirtman

Gosnell? I thought he was doing time?

No, no, he's out. He got out. See, the medical establishment, see, they tried to frame him. It's all politics. But he's a rebel.

Posted 3 days ago.

anuttiermutter

A Surgeon General would be a nice addition to the nation's Ebola efforts. Maybe Republicans should agree to confirm the DOCTOR.

Posted 4 days ago.

anuttiermutter

A Surgeon General would be a nice edition to the nation's Ebola efforts. Maybe Republicans should agree to confirm the DOCTOR.

Posted 4 days ago.

anuttiermutter

"I'm just gonna shake it off. I shake it off. I..I ..I shake it off. shake it off,shake, shake it off....." Is that Ebola sweat?

Posted 4 days ago.

annette2

"The other nurse has been transferred to an Atlanta hospital that has one of only four biocontainment units in the US."

Yes,sir. The U.S. has the infrastructure to handle this. Who? Me worry? I'm just gonna shake it off. I shake it off. I..I ..I shake it off. shake it off,shake, shake it off.....

Players going to play,play,play...

Posted 4 days ago.

anuttiermutter

"we got us an Ebola czar. What? He has no background in medicine" See. I told you conservatives would be mad. Haters gotta hate.

Posted 4 days ago.

Dirtman

Hey Kidd, you should be muttering to yourself.

Posted 4 days ago.

Dirtman

WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama has asked former White House official Ron Klain to coordinate the U.S. government's response to the Ebola outbreak, an administration official said on Friday.

Klain, a former chief of staff to Vice President Joe Biden, will report to homeland security adviser Lisa Monaco and national security adviser Susan Rice, the official said.

"Klain, an attorney, comes to the job with strong management credentials, extensive federal government experience overseeing complex operations and good working relationships with leading members of Congress, as well as senior Obama administration officials, including the president," the official said.

HA, HA, HA! What more do I need to say? HA!

Posted 4 days ago.

Dirtman

"Why the delay? My 5 year-old could have told you that the day she died."

Another child named Houdini.

Posted 4 days ago.

annette2

I should be more like Nut. What? Me worry?

Posted 4 days ago.

annette2

Yes sir, we got us an Ebola czar. What? He has no background in medicine? This is a tragic comedy, right? Hello! Is this mike on?

Posted 4 days ago.

anuttiermutter

"Obama To Appoint Ebola Czar" Oh no, Republicans and conservatives are going to be mad.

PS: Republicans and conservatives are always mad -- they were born that way.

Posted 4 days ago.

anuttiermutter

The New York City Medical Examiner has released the cause of Joan River's death as "anoxic encephalopathy due to hypoxic arrest during laryngoscopy and upper gastrointestinal endoscopy with propofol sedation for evaluation of voice changes and gastroesophageal reflux disease."

Why the delay? My 5 year-old could have told you that the day she died.

Posted 5 days ago.

LostStormtrooper

Illegal immigrants? Well in all practical purposes they are residents and most importantly, they are people too.

Posted 6 days ago.

LostStormtrooper

No picture ID required either. Today I'm a corporation and a corporation is a person too. Tomorrow I'll be myself. The next day I'll be voting in proxy on behalf of all my dead ancestors with all these leftover voter registrations. Gitty up!!!

Posted 6 days ago.
 
 
 
 

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