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A shameless attempt to get free coffee

By Staff | Oct 21, 2011

If someone were to come up to you on the street (for whatever reason-just go with it, why don’t you) and ask you what the best Scorsese movie is, you would obviously say “Goodfellas.”

If someone were to ask you to name, off the top of your head, two cover songs that are better than the originals, you would say Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt” and Van Halen’s version of “You Really Got Me.”

If someone were to ask you to name the best album of all time, you would say it’s a tie between Ramones’ “Leave Home” and Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid.”

Obvious, really. Well, obvious if you’re me, which statistically speaking, you’re not, but that’s OK-nobody’s perfect.

If someone were to ask you where to go to get the best coffee in the area, you would tell them to go to the Lost Dog.

That’s just universal-it’s sort of like asking what color the sky is.

This is not just a shameless attempt to get free coffee (ignore the title of the article); this is the truth. The freshest, highest quality java is on German Street.

So, you’ll drive to Shepherdstown (unless you live there or you ride a bike, in which case I ask you to please be considerate of the motorists who have actual cars and would like to use the roads, for which they were built) and get yourself a cup of the best coffee in the world. On your way there, “Changes” by Van Halen will be playing, and it will also be playing on the way back home, on a separate radio station, which is more than a little curious, wouldn’t you say? I mean, it’s not like there’s only one Van Halen album from which to draw songs (this is slightly more Van Halen references than I intended with this column, but when you’re on a roll, I suppose it’s best to continue on).

OK. Reading over this, it seems to me that, so far, this column has been mainly focused on my interests. Some readers may not like “Goodfellas,” or even Scorsese for that matter. They may not like Ramones or Black Sabbath, which is all fine. Different strokes and all.

However, one thing most people can agree on is a good cup of coffee. It’s almost universal, really. It’s a global phenomenon. All over the world, people love coffee. If you’re one of those people, chances are you’ve already been to Lost Dog. But for those of you that haven’t, here’s some completely unsanctioned history:

This may seem like fiction (because it is), but Lost Dog was not so much established in 1996 as it transmigrated from a (bear with me here) parallel dimension, concurrent with our own but separated by the fabric of reality.

As those living in Shepherdstown already know, the fabric of reality is thin within the town limits, especially along German Street. Passing through a rift in space time, Lost Dog emerged fully formed, like Athena from the head of Zeus.

Obvious, really.

Please pay attention here, as this is highly scientific and has been thoroughly researched. Garth Janssen owns Lost Dog, and this man knows good coffee. When you drink the velvet caramel double espresso (or maybe that gorilla thing with the whole banana in it), you will catch a glimpse of that much vaunted parallel dimension, the one with coffee streams pouring over the land.

Good coffee is something special, and the most special place is Lost Dog.

If this seems like an extended advertisement, let me assure you it’s not.

I am in no way being compensated for this. I just like what they have for sale. On a side note, if there’s any chance of this column netting me a free cup of coffee, I have no trouble admitting that I am shameless and will accept it.

I’ll probably bring a couple copies of this column by, just in case.